What You Need to Address to Be a Better Parent

Parenting is challenging because we have no manual and inherit patterns from our childhoods. Whether we repeat or reject our upbringing, it’s even more complicated when blending histories and styles with another parent. Ultimately, effective parenting is about adopting a conscious and intentional approach, as well as understanding our personal impact.

Many spend years in therapy untangling their past, yet often parent with old patterns. My son is eighteen. While driving him to college, we discussed times my parenting had a negative effect on him. When we lived alone, I loved our small house and life together. He remembers a lot of emotion from me—more than he could handle. In the next fifteen minutes, I did my best to repair the damage. I didn’t crumble, justify, or let shame speak. Instead, I said, 'I am sorry, and can you tell me more about that?' I hope we’ll have conversations like this for a long time, and when he wants to unpack his childhood, I intend to show up neutrally and supportively.

How can we as parents make these moments happen? We must work on our stuff. We need to recognize the small child within the adult, with wounds hidden beneath the surface, and understand how that child influences our parenting. I was a very sensitive child. I had panic attacks and an eating disorder. My pain stayed hidden. By the time I left for college, I didn't know how to feel emotions, because only a few felt safe to share. With my son, I tried to correct my past trauma through him. In some ways, it was good. We played, cuddled, and talked openly about struggles. I allowed him to feel all his feelings, but I was also known as the fixer, and I struggled not to rescue him when he faced disappointment, even if he handled it well.

Somatic Life Coaching for parents offers more than advice. It helps you clarify your core parenting values and observe your nervous system's reactions to your child, providing tools to respond more calmly and thoughtfully. Through coaching, you'll gain strategies for managing stress, create more open communication, and build stronger emotional connections. Ultimately, this coaching supports lasting changes, helping you feel more confident, present, and effective as a parent.

Do you notice specific triggers? Are there moments when you cling, retreat, fix, or disconnect?

Notice how these nervous system patterns affect your choices. Are there fears you're aware of, and when do they emerge? Do you ever feel like you're struggling to keep your head above water as a parent, perhaps with one of your children, but not all?

Addressing parenting at the cognitive, emotional, and nervous system levels leads to clarity and change. This awareness helps us accept our wounds, let go of harmful patterns, and positively influence our children. This process is essential for being a better parent and supports lasting self-growth.

As parents, we must notice how we show up, choose how to shift, and give ourselves grace for mistakes.

Our children are not us. They are completely different human beings, and they don’t share our wounds.

To support your child, be present, set clear loving boundaries, and give them focused attention.

If you yell or react poorly, apologize honestly and immediately.

Believe in the inherent goodness of children.

Trust that children need physical connection, to be listened to, and a sense of safety to thrive.

Try not to personalize their emotions. Avoid naming your child's behavior as manipulative, sensitive, greedy, or ungrateful.

Stop labeling your children with sayings like this is my good one, this is the athletic one, this one was the difficult baby, this was the placid baby, this is my talented one, etc.

Do not scare your child into being better.

When faced with tough moments, stay emotionally connected and remain present.

If you’re ready to parent with more awareness and intention, schedule a free 15-minute call or online session with me. Let’s discuss your parenting goals and how my coaching can support your growth. Take this step. Connect now to become the parent you aspire to be.