Nobody Can Make You Feel Anything is a LIE
The common phrase "nobody can make you feel anything" is misleading. In reality, our biology ensures that other people's actions can trigger emotional responses in us—responses that are often automatic and difficult to control. Here’s why this idea is inaccurate from a scientific perspective.
Our brains scan people and environments, interpreting tone, expressions, body language, and eye contact. Subconsciously, we detect threats. We are wired to read people, situations, and settings.
The limbic system is the brain’s center for emotions, memory, and motivation. The amygdala processes threats, and the hippocampus forms memories. When a threat is sensed, this area sends an alarm, overriding rational thought. For example, if I’m in conflict and someone yells at me, my calm disappears—my amygdala responds, and rational thinking stops.
My nervous system defaults to old strategies: fight, flee, freeze, or appease. Maybe I should start apologizing, hoping it ends—that’s what I do. Either way, someone’s action triggers this, outside my control.
First, observe how your nervous system responds to challenges by noticing physical signals of stress. Second, identify habitual reactions, like fight, flight, freeze, or appease. Third, explore why you respond this way—how it’s helped in the past. Finally, we practice new responses in real time, so you can consciously adjust as situations unfold.
For example, a client felt triggered by an argument with his estranged spouse about their son's plans with her. Her vague responses about their activities felt dismissive. He had convinced himself he needed all the information in case there was an emergency. He was not getting all the information and proceeded to bombard her with texts. I had him read the messages and observe his body sensations. He felt a racing heart, sweating, and jittery legs. I encouraged him to welcome these sensations. I asked if and why he still needed all the details, and how that would help. After reflecting, he realized he had always felt excluded from her and her plans with his son. After a few more moments, he realized he had always felt excluded in life. BOOM! The core belief he developed is that he is not valuable. Now we can start dismantling all the stories and perceptions that encourage him to cling to these emotional patterns. This is not about the text message at all; it is about him feeling unworthy of connection.
In my Somatic coaching, I call this finding the Somatic switch. We acknowledge our thoughts, guide attention to the body and emotions, and then return to our thoughts. When the big awareness happens, and it always does, it is like a light switch going off in your entire body.
If you think you should just control emotions, that’s not possible. Have compassion for yourself—your emotional responses are normal. Don’t dismiss them because of an oversimplified saying.
When emotions are triggered by others, the goal is to choose the best response and avoid spiraling into dysregulation or regret.
There are many ways to work with nervous system activation. No single method works for everyone.
By working with me, you’ll learn to understand and respond to your emotional triggers—recognizing that these reactions are not just a matter of willpower, but natural responses that can be managed effectively. You’ll gain practical tools for self-acceptance and resilience. Don’t wait—commit to your growth now.
Schedule your free consultation now to start your journey to a healthier emotional life.