Why we Stay in Bad Relationships

I know a person who is very attached to a mean woman.

I adore this man and think he is bright, funny, handsome, and all things good, yet he keeps going back to her.

When he has time away, he becomes more vital in his sense of worth, but then the phone call will come, and he will be helpful and get thoroughly smacked down with cruel words for his effort.

Why do people do this?

His nervous system prefers the cruelty and dysfunction because that is all he has known.

Growing up with an alcoholic mother and a father who chose women over him, his nervous system feels comfortable in chaos, whether he likes the situation or not.

Disengaging from this traumatic relationship pattern and walking away feels monumentally hard and not worth the effort.

Chest constriction, nausea, and an almost unbearable sensation to not leave that invade his entire body.

As human animals, we like comfort.

This relationship is the most comfortable thing he has ever experienced, but growth cannot happen in comfort.

Discomfort which is disengaging from his traumatic loop in this circumstance must be felt, acknowledged, and walked through for him to move to a place of self-love.

All of this can be safely experienced and supported by Somatic Psychotherapy. In therapy, big chunks of being uncomfortable can be smushed to manageable bite-size pieces and healed.

The discomfort lessens as the new choices become more regular, but it is hard.

The real work is still in daily behaviors to choose no contact and be uncomfortable.

Many people cannot do the work necessary because their feelings are too intense, so they stay in toxic relationships or take to substances to handle the pain.

“Experiencing the original wounding in a place of calm, safety, and relaxation allows for better choices to be made in the real world. ”

Somatic psychotherapy is the key to letting this process start safely and helping your brain see that you can begin to restructure your nervous systems.

Call me if this is you and lets get you the love you deserve.

Free Somatic Therapy consultations always available.