Negative Self Talk - Change it

I like to mountain bike, hike, and climb outdoors. I can catch my negative self-talk around work, intimate relationships, and my son. The space I fail to recognize is when I am doing a sport.

We took a mountain biking trip with two other families over spring break. I was on a nice borrowed bike from a friend with larger tires than mine. I had not been on anything but our home bike trainer for months. I spent the first day being overly cautious and walking areas of the trail where I would usually have the confidence to ride. By the end of the day, I had convinced myself I was a cautious and slow rider.

On the second day, I stuck to green trails entirely, not even risking a challenge. By the third day, I rode a green 6-mile loop and ran into a bridge post because I was looking for a sizeable muskrat animal instead of at the trail. I also almost fell off the path and lost my bike when I stopped for oncoming riders, and towards the end of the trail, I was telling myself I was a terrible mountain bike rider. I had no business coaching beginning-level athletes at this, which I do, and I should quit. I also decided every person in our group was a better athlete than me. Even though I looked physically fit and had good muscle tone, I was an imposter because I did not live to work out or exercise like others in our group.

By the fourth day, I took the day off, and it took me until lunch, when I was alone, to see what I had done to myself. I then spent half a day mad that I had fallen into my usual state of mind regarding sports. Since childhood, I have kept this narrative that others are better, more flexible, and stronger, and I will always be the last one. None of this is true. I was a varsity swimmer in the ninth grade, and my ballet teacher thought if I focused solely on dance, I could have done it well into college. But my nervous system remembers all the disappointment and shame I felt when challenged physically to this day.

I love my awareness of how I talk to myself and that it only derails me for a half day or so now. In my work and relationships, when my negative self-talk comes in to create distance in relationships with others or challenges my self-worth, I can generally catch it immediately, if not within a few hours. Challenging my negative self-talk and pulling myself into a more stable place is a gift.

How do you talk to yourself?

Do you know how to shift out of it?

I teach these skills every single day I work.

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Let's change your inner narrative.