One Movement-One Session-Profound Change
When we address our nervous system patterns, we see that automatic reactions and emotions in relationships are common. Overreacting, feeling shame, or protecting ourselves often come from how our brains and bodies learn to respond to stress or past experiences. Recognizing these patterns helps explain why we freeze, shrink, feel anxious, or struggle to break old habits, even when we want to change. To move forward, sitting quietly and noticing bodily sensations allows us to observe the nervous system at work and gradually build awareness, growth, and lasting change. Ultimately, nothing is more valuable than understanding yourself and how these patterns shape your life. By bringing unconscious patterns to consciousness, you give yourself more choice and control over your behaviors, repetitive thoughts, and the negative core beliefs that we all share.
Exercise in Sensation:
A client recently described a very challenging relationship with a friend of thirty years. The relationship was sometimes violent, centered around alcohol, and persisted in her life for a long time. Though probably toxic, the friend was familiar, and the drama felt oddly comfortable. My client’s frustration was clear as she recounted their latest interaction.
I invited her to physically express her anger—using her face, fists, and voice—just as she had while describing the situation. We repeated this several times, simply noticing what emerged as she leaned into these facial, bodily, and verbal postures. This simple recreation of tension led to several new awarenesses over the next few minutes.
One, this friend always starts a fight.
Two, my client does not like to back down from a fight.
Third, my client always concedes the fight, so she never wins.
Four, my client, likes to win.
Five, she leaves conversations feeling like a failure and then wants to re-engage to try to win.
With more time in the session, and after exploring these new insights, my client was able to be curious about the relationship instead of feeling stuck in it. She decided to set a boundary and disengage from her friend for now. She is going to spend time being curious about her nature to want to win. Disengaging permanently felt too activating, and we were out of time. I gave her homework: whenever she starts to obsess over reconnecting, she should hold her hands out in a stop posture and say, “I love you and no—for right now.” She hopes to eventually say no with confidence, but there is still much to unpack about this relationship and her boundaries before she will get there.
Simple movements, profound awareness -not talk therapy.