People Pleasing

We all know someone who is a people-pleaser, and we may be one ourselves. The first step to overcoming it is understanding why it's there and learning new skills for boundary setting and recognizing self-needs.

Our emotional landscape develops when we are young. Our primary caregivers teach us what emotions are allowed and safe and what ones are not. At its core, all people-pleasing behavior is a response to discomfort. We've learned through our family of origin that it is unacceptable when we feel certain emotions. These emotions cause discomfort because we believe they are bad, wrong, destructive, or stupid. When an emotion on this list occurs, we must find a way to deal with it; we respond by trying to make this uncomfortable feeling disappear. If I become helpful, studious, disappear, orperform, it will disappear or at least lessen.

At its core, all people-pleasing behavior is a response to discomfort.

Navigating discomfort through behavior becomes a coping skill and can stay with us for years.

There are significant benefits to breaking free from people-pleasing and becoming more in tune with your authentic self. You'll find that your relationships become less about discomfort and performance, and more about genuine connection.

If you are a people-pleaser, I have much experience helping my clients identify why they have this habit, how to shift it, and where to let it go. Learning to be uncomfortable and present with what is coming up instead of moving forward with an ingrained habit is not easy, but it is worth it. This process involves acknowledging your discomfort, understanding its root cause, and gradually learning to sit with it without feeling the need to please others.

Reach out to learn more about yourself, understand why you react to life the way you do, and make changes.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Free consultations are always available, either in person or online.