Wake Up Call

I do not enjoy wake-up calls.

I understand that growth requires us to be uncomfortable, and for two years, I have been unknowingly holding onto vast amounts of grief that have been manifesting in destructive ways for my boyfriend and child.

I had a hard conversation with my significant others and realized that the advice I gave every day I was not taking.

Face the monster under the bed, the skeleton in the closet, that emotion you believe will eat you alive if you touch it.

I help others navigate these waters in my work and have been completely ignoring them in my life.

The impending loss of my mother to liver cancer had me twisted up in all my old nervous system patterns. My specialty is swooping in to fix things nobody has asked me to.

I use my superpower to assume, shift and hear when people say I am not happy as I need help NOW.

At times this behavior gets me resentful and pushes me forward in places where no one asked me to travel.

Today I am taking time to sit and be overcome by the prospect of life without my mom.

It sucks.

I will need to make a habit of this.

I begin today knowing that some days I will become a superhero, but that I will come back to center and back to loss, knowing that I will live through this and by sinking into the emotion, I will be a much better version of myself on the other side.

A little green tea, George Winston, a blanket, a Dobermen, and a kleenex should ease my way.

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