Shame Used to Grow

Shame, often viewed negatively, is, in fact, a powerful and valuable tool for personal growth. Our culture's tendency to shun shame and its lessons is a stark contrast to its true potential. The belief that nobody should ever feel shame no matter how they behave is unrealistic and very unhealthy for our society.

Long ago shame from others in our tribe was used to teach us how to behave in caveman societies and earlier times. There were consequences if you worked less hard to find food, ate more than you gathered, or slept with another's companion. Consequences such as being encouraged to feel bad for your choices and told to leave were implemented to keep the society, tribe, or clan functioning so that most members had a collective goal that helped the whole.

Shame, like any other negative emotion, is there to guide you away from things that are bad for you. It acts as a protective shield, steering you away from harmful activities, even if they promise short-term gain. Shame can be the catalyst for building a better game plan for a more productive and fulfilling life.

The issue most of us have with shame is once we experience this emotion, we run away from it, stuff it, numb it, and tell ourselves we will never feel it again.

Never feeling any emotion again is impossible, and shame in particular. Along with shame usually comes a barrage of self-loathing language towards ourselves that makes it even harder to extract ourselves from. The nervous system gets used to this as a coping strategy, so when shame is felt, it runs to all the negative behavioral conditioning we have chosen again and again.

Shame can be the best teacher if we learn to lean into the feeling without being drowned. Then, we give ourselves grace for handling ourselves in this manner. We bring into our vision the bigger picture: who we were at the time and what our life experiences had been up to this point. Could we have made different choices realistically? The final step is to create a game plan to make different choices and move forward in the direction you want.

Ignoring that shame is a valuable part of our life experience does not help create a better version of ourselves. It usually keeps us stuck in patterns that do not serve us or those around us.

I have seen many people touch their shame and walk out on the other side, forever having left the patterns that kept them stuck for so long behind.

Remember, consultations are always free, and my online services are designed to be accessible to everyone, no matter where you are in the world.