Uncovering Emotional Triggers

My son got in the car today from school and told me about a test he did poorly on.

I was utterly shocked and got triggered.

My child was defensive, and I could feel myself rev up the way I do when my nervous system takes over.

I was angry but not at him, and he asked why I was mad because he was the one who had studied and done poorly.

I raised my voice and said, let me be angry.

After a few minutes of breathing, I realized that I was angry at myself.

I spent two to three days helping my child study.

I quizzed him, went over his notes, and had him draw examples of the DNA assignment.

We spent hours as a team.

When he got the grade he did, my nervous system went quickly back to all the times I had taken multiple-choice tests, only not to understand how I did so poorly on them.

Subconsciously the tape of not being smart, which I held onto for many years, started to play, and I was angry.

My child's test became my nervous system playing out, and the old story ended with me belittling my intelligence, and I was angry about it.

All of this happened in a few minutes, the conversation, the unknown trigger, the emotional reaction, and the calming down.

These unconscious reactions happen to us every single day.

These reactions happen with spouses, strangers, coworkers, family, pets, clients, coaches and anyone else we interact with.

I thank the Somatic Psychotherapy work I do for helping me see what was going on.

I took my son a big mug of hot chocolate and explained that I was sorry and that the anger was mine alone.

My son is now downstairs calmly watching a video for his following quiz, I am blogging, and our relationship is solid.

There is always a piece of me somewhere in the conflict, and I am willing to find it, acknowledge it, and repair the relationship.

We can only change what we are able to see.

Come in and change the triggers in your life and turn them into loving repairs.

Consultations are always free.