A Healthy Marriage Starts with Acceptance

Most of the marital counseling I do encourages the couple to accept the other person's woundedness.

We all come into relationships with loads of baggage, hurt, self-defeating behaviors, and triggers.

NO relationship is perfect.

Most couples come in at their breaking points because they cannot healthily communicate their needs.

It is this straightforward and this hard.

For example, every time you talk about finances, your wife becomes unhinged.

There are tears, angry voices, and more drama than is necessary.

After a couple of marriage counseling sessions, we get to the meat of her response.

Finances and money terrify her to her core.

“Every time the topic comes up, she goes straight to an emotional mess.

It is as if she was slit open by a substantial unseen knife and left to gasp for air.

What needs to happen first and foremost when discussing finances is the physical presence of safety. ”

This response is set up in counseling, maybe a hug, holding a hand, whatever is needed to redirect the trauma cycle in motion when discussing money.

After practicing this loving and affirming response, the reaction itself will become less at home.

While in counseling, we will work on the cycle itself and heal from whatever caused this crisis of spirit to start.

Each partner will have something like this in their matrimonial profile.

Each person will need to work past their unwillingness and inability to give compassion in a moment that makes no logical sense and give it.

So much of our inability to work through the hard stuff in significant relationships look this way.

If you need a couples tune-up, I invite you to come in and learn about how your trauma responses are disrupting your marriage now.

Consultations for Somatic Therapy are free.