Lessons From a Funeral

I went to a funeral yesterday for a man I grew up seeing in church every Sunday.

I have not been to that church regularly in decades.

Seeing the familiar aging faces of all the people I grew up with and their children was surreal and emotional.

I enjoyed the church community as a child, even though the repercussions of the belief systems caused great shame and desperation in my life.

This man, these people, were kind and gentle and accepting of me my entire life.

Separating the ideology from the people is easy for me now, mainly because the system of faith I have chosen has created a larger view of the world and a bigger heart.

People who genuinely live in faith have a great capacity to hold others regardless of differences are rare, and this man had that.

Not every person who goes to church or claims to love God does.

I spoke with an old friend who significantly impacted my life at the funeral. I had not seen him in thirty years.

Although he was the pastor's son and his entire family had been adored, he stood away from everyone he knew and did not engage.

He wanted to be unrecognized and left alone to deal with what being back with these people in this church was doing to his heart.

He talked of not being the good son and reinventing himself regularly.

I got the feeling he had not attended church in a long while.

There was a wistfulness and grief in all he shared.

I wanted more of a connection but could tell he could not remember the times we laughed and the love these people had for us and always would.

I am grateful I have touched in and out of that faith community my entire life because I could remind myself of these facts.

I wish I could have let my dear old friend know how lucky I felt to have grown up with him, and the man he is now is magnificent.

People of our past and pieces sometimes come together in magical moments to help us understand where we came from and where we are now.

Sometimes these moments lead to more introspection and sitting with our wounds.

I am sorry my friend still had wounds.

Healing these deep spiritual questions and religious cuts changes us forever.

If you have a church journey fraught with unclaimed emotions, wounds, or shame, come and sift through it all.

This space I hold is safe, neutral, and sacred.

Consultations in person or over the phone are always free.