When Broken Hearted Don't Date

My client hopped into bed and started a relationship before his divorce of 17 years had even begun.

Why do we do this? Are we so unable to sit in our pain that we must grab the next good feeling?

The answer is yes; most of us cannot stop and feel.

During times of loss, we seek calm in our nervous system. Anytime our bodies register discomfort; we search for safety. When we don't find it, the fight-or-flight response starts. We look for ways to cope with uncomfortable sensations and hopping into a relationship or a strangers bed blurs the sadness of being alone. 

During heartache, there is not a single person who doesn't want to feel worthy, sexy, or loved.

However, the fact is that when we are experiencing grief, our brains function differently — making a healthy choice while in this state is very difficult.

Our limbic system senses loss as a threat and floods us with strong emotions. Triggers that remind us of our loved one become more profound.

The parasympathetic nervous system wakes up and changes our sleeping, eating, breathing, digestion, and heart regulation patterns.

The prefrontal cortex has trouble functioning and articulation, expressing ourselves and finding meaning becomes exhausting and confusing. 

Understand that potential partners who are emotionally healthy will not find this phase of grief seductive or appealing.

When experiencing a divorce, stop, and feel. 

Respect the natural process your body is undergoing. 

Grieving first and waiting to date is an act of self-love and maturity. 

Get to know who you are now that your life has crashed and all your dreams have shifted. 

Cherish this time to meet the person that emerges after the heartache.

I want to support you during this transition. Send and email or call for a free Somatic Therapy consultation.