Stop Helicoptering Your Children

Self-efficacy is an individual's belief in their innate ability to achieve goals.

As a culture, we shield our children from hard lessons. We helicopter our way around teachers, coaches, and doctors always waiting for our chance to step in. Every time we rescue our children from a poor grade or tell their coach how to do their job we are meddling in our children's ability to handle disappointment, uncertainty, and discomfort. We are stifling their voice and not allowing them to advocate for themselves.

Our children need to know what being disappointed feels like, how winning doesn't always happen and that life is frankly not fair.

I hate to see my son cry and be upset. There is a layer of my emotional makeup that wants him to learn the easy way. I don't wish painful lessons for him, but without difficult experiences, he cannot grow and mature into someone grand.

I cannot prevent discomfort in the growth process for my son or myself. What I  can do is breathe in my uncomfortableness with parenting and recognize my urge to save is because of the things I still carry.

I want my son to have self -efficacy and know how to dig deep, persevere, feel genuinely, and embrace his passions.

For this to happen, I have to dig deep, stay aware and sift through my stuff.

I need to have continued knowledge about when it gets sticky for me because I have guilt over my divorce, shame for old choices and wounds that need healing.

All of these things get the helicopter into the air prematurely, and suddenly I am focused on my son and not me.

Taking a few minutes to breathe deeply, walk away from the situation or giving a day for my reaction to his teachers, or coaches works.

Give yourself a minute to think about how to respond in a way that empowers your child instead of saving them.

Breathe and recognize if this is your wounded childhood you are trying to change.

Reach out and connect with others, who are trying to build the type of child you are.

Connection creates community and villages raise children. Let’s go forth together and raise amazing adults.

Shoot me an email or call to let me know how it is going.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.