Adoption and Relationships

My son is adopted, and his biological mom lives in town.

My husband at the time, and I kept in touch with her until our child was two through letters. We got together one time when he was one for dinner. Other than that, there was no contact.

My son asked to meet her when he first started middle school; I was apprehensive.

I found her on FB, and the two of us met for coffee.

The meeting was lovely, and afterward, I had no reservations about having the two of them find one another.

My child had two thoughtful questions for me after I met with her, and those were:

Does she want to meet me?

Is she nice?

The answer to both is yes.

His interest waned, and the meeting has yet to take place a year later.

I cannot imagine what seeing him in person would mean for her.

I honestly don't know what that would mean for my son.

Connecting with her brings about a lot of unknowns.

Meeting and intersecting our family with her family requires opening and finding more space for others.

There are times when I wonder if my heart is big enough for all of these people to love my child. Then I remember that in his life, I want him embraced by as many people as possible who want to love him.

Friends have asked if this relationship is hard for me to maintain.

The answer is, I think it is very awkward for both of us, and this relationship has a certain amount of uncertainty. But when uncertainty is held, it leads to more open-heartedness.

Being vulnerable and loving is hard, and there are times when I don't like it at all.

I wonder what will come of this relationship.

It could be rewarding, it could be challenging, and it might just be a little of both. One thing for sure is that growth for all of us will occur by learning about one another.

I cannot control it, and I cannot push my child to have any relationship, but because I know she wants one, the least I can do is be her touchpoint.

The roots of this relationship started through good intentions by everyone. I want to honor those beginnings even if I get stretched in an unfamiliar way or hurt.

What relationships do you have that keep you pushing to be more open and vulnerable than is comfortable?

Is it an adoption story or something else?

Call me. I really want to know.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.