Navigating the Teenage Years

My son turned 13 the other day, and I wept. I cried for a lot of reasons.

Mostly, I will miss his desire to spend time with me as he grows into his independence.

My son at this age is far more intelligent, socially confident, and emotionally expressive than I ever was.

I think his becoming a teenager has me sad for my teenage self, who was so embattled in self-hatred and fear.

I don't know if you have noticed where you were at a particular age and consciously compared yourself to your children. As he gets older, it seems to happen to me a bit more frequently.

The desire to hold and keep him close is there.

As he grows and I navigate this independence journey, I have no landmarks because I stayed enmeshed with a parent far into my thirties.

Thankfully I have a boyfriend who helps me find the balance in letting go that I never did while growing up. We have to be able to separate ourselves from our children.

It is crucial to gain a perspective on how our childhood affected us at their age — seeing where we are repeating behaviors of our parents or understanding where we need to change directions.

The most important thing we can do for our kids is to encourage them to be themselves and not replicas of us no matter how uncomfortable that is.

There are days this process wears me out, but when I sit with who he is becoming, I am more exhilarated than lost.

Are there places you are getting tripped up from your past, and it is affecting the way, you parent?

Call me, and we can figure this out.

I bet there is a lot of parenting you are doing exceptionally well, and as with everyone, there are places that need tweaking.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.