When I say or type the word comfort, lots of things come to mind.

There is the touch of a lovers hand, my dog nestled in my lap, reading a book to my child, a good cup of coffee. All these things spell safety, calm and an even regulated nervous system.

Comfort is unhealthy when the experience that makes us comfortable is not in our best interest.

An example is you grew up in a household where your parents did not communicate well.

When one parent was angry, the other would stay quiet, or avoidance was a tool to handle emotions.

The opposite scenario is the communication was loud between the two of them, and nobody listened they just yelled. Alternatively, one parent always required calm, and everyone tiptoed around that parent.

The communication patterns in families vary.

What we learn as children in our families our nervous systems register as normal.

Our nervous systems create neural pathways for the style of communication we grew up with.

As you get older, you meet a young man or woman who grew up with a healthier connection in their family. This person does not yell or avoid when a discussion is needed.

Alarm bells go off in your nervous system. Most people like to be heard and safe in communication but this was not your experience, and it is uncomfortable.

Your nervous system responds, and you think this is not a good thing, so you look for a person with a similar family communication style you grew up with to date.

WE are attracted to people who have similar dysfunctional qualities to our family of origin.

Without the awareness that you want something different something healthier than portrayed in your family, the nervous system chooses for you. 

It is true that some people have this self-awareness early on. Some people learn all this before marriage or children. However, many people end up with someone who has strong characteristics of one of their parents' communication styles.

Growth happens when we go past our comfort zones. Sitting with a skilled Somatic therapist can be a valuable tool for understanding ourselves.

What got wired in from your childhood and what areas of comfort we need to challenge is the start of awareness.

Somatic Therapy and Biodynamic Craniosacral can rewire your neural pathways and open you up to a whole new sense of normal. 

My story changed once I divorced and challenged my nervous system. I spent a few years in foreign communication territory. I used the skills I learned in Somatic therapy to rewire what I found comfortable.

I have a relationship now that resembles the type of communication I always wanted.

I use healthy communication with my son, and he will be more comfortable with healthy dialogue than I was.

When he chooses a partner perhaps he will be able to ask for what he wants, needs, expects in a relationship.

The decades-old negative patterns from my family of origin ended with me.

If you have a similar desire, then be bold and challenge comfort.

How incredible would it be to be the source of change for your family?

Embrace all the great things you have to offer and then challenge comfort. Call me and we will do this together.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.

Change is the end result of all true learning

Leo Buscaglia

Leo Buscaglia has written many books that I consider tea cozy books. Sit with a cup of tea and learn something in a simple, fun way.

Books by Leo Buscaglia:

Living Loving and Learning

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages

Personhood: The Art of Being Fully human