Nervous Sytems in Arguments

I am working with several couples considering divorce right now and arguments are a key focus.

There is a healthy way to argue and damaging ways most of us pick the latter.

One aspect of the nervous system that is happening for these couples is what occurs when arguments arise.

When we get in heated arguments or silent arguments in our heads about our partners, we are often managing our nervous systems from a much younger version of ourselves.

“If you disagree and shoot straight to unreasonable, there is a connection to your past and unhealed wounds. ”

You are unconsciously replaying that old pattern in this new experience.

The argument taps into a place in your nervous system where overwhelm has occurred in the past and been left unhealed.

The first step is to gain awareness that your spouse may or may not be the issue but that your body is taking charge of your behavior.

The second step is to want to be different in your responses.

The third is to find a Somatic Psychotherapist who works with the nervous systems.

With new awareness, you may notice that when your spouse talks to you in a particular manner, you go back to feeling like you are twelve and arguing with your mother where you never felt heard or seen.

Or you may avoid all conflict because your first girlfriend raged all the time, so now when relationship talk happens, you are suddenly defensive and less likely to want to engage.

There are a million reasons we react in conflict the way we do, and they are all unique.

Once you have this information, you can begin separating the two and healing the old wound to respond better in the present.

If this is a place in your relationship, you want more clarity, call, and come in for a free Somatic Therapy consultation.