How to be Heard

There are several places in our lives where we feel unheard. For me it is not the same relationship, but at times I have this in all relationships. Typically, I have not been clear about my needs and then I feel unheard.

My boyfriend and I had a communication meltdown the other day. After dinner my boyfriend started talking, and I sat and listened. He spoke kindly but dished out some hard truths.

I was crying. My mouth started watering, my jaw was tight, and my stomach felt like I was going down a roller coaster.

I let him know I heard him, but I did not respond.

Instead, I sat with my sensations and let myself calm down. I awoke to the fact that I had some inner work to do.

Focusing on what needs to shift instead of responding can be beneficial to helping you piece apart what you are going to own and what you aren't.

We do not have to agree with everything that the other person says to us in hard conversations, but we should hear what is said.

I am thrilled that we were able to have such a problematic and charged discussion calmly. Neither of us grew up in particularly communicative homes, so I consider this a win.

This type of communication is hard and does not happen overnight. It requires us to put our egos aside and sit with someone else's feelings.

Here is a casual guideline for creating opportunities to be understood.

Keep distractions to a minimum electronics, kids, pets, etc.

Be clear about what you are asking.

Speak calmly, and if you can't, then don't speak until you are.

Make eye contact.

Have a comfortable posture. If you need to sit, stand, kneel do it.

Breathe from your belly.

Notice what is happening in your body as you talk or listen.

Allow yourself to be uncomfortable with no judgment.

Don't speak until your head is clear and your body feels calm.

Listen to understand.

If you need more time because you notice you cannot continue healthily, then ask for it. The world will not end if the conversation gets put on hold for several hours or a day or two.

Having challenging conversations with grace is one of the most important things you can do for your relationships with anyone.

Taking the advice, I give clients every day is priceless.

Send an email or call and tell me about yourself I promise you will be heard.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart