I spent forty years trying to please everyone and swallowing my words. When I did satisfy myself, my judgment was usually poor because I had no experience in it.

The man I married was emotionally distant, easy on the eyes, and had a good sense of humor. He believed he was smarter than I was and on some dysfunctional level that gave me comfort.

I had not made many decisions for myself before I wed. I had a very enmeshed relationship with my mother that made finding myself challenging.

Every time I strayed from my parents' way of thinking this wave of shame would crash over me. I was in constant conflict with whom I wanted to be and trying to make everyone happy.

I lived a life mostly to please the man in my life, quite a bit to please my parents, rarely ever to please myself. I was so confused in the process that there was no way anyone could be happy.

I have regrets but not for leaving the marriage more for not asking that I be seen as an individual with needs before it became too late to fix. I might have been welcomed warmly as this whole being, but the person he had was not that remarkable.

I look back on my marriage not as a failed attempt to love someone else profoundly, but as a failed attempt to love myself.

I am not the only person who has faced this place of loss and had to make a different start.

There are thousands of us on this road of pleasing.

Our inability to express ourselves can be cultivated with time, self forgiveness and compassion.

Finding people that you can be authentic with as a start. Embracing an activity you have self confidence in and talking about it helps find words that you lost long ago.

Lessons in self-forgiveness and grace need to happen on the road to health as well. The pleasing nature if that is your hardship can be shifted. Finding your voice is imperative to becoming whole.

Years after my divorce I am sitting in Belize with my new boyfriend. The pleasing person from the past is almost entirely gone.

I do not hide my needs or leave my voice just to be heard in my own head anymore. Once I addressed my need to please and realized where it began, I could move past.

I still am getting comfortable with this new way of communicating and sometimes I am still frightened, but I am building the skill and saying something. Join me on this journey. I know you have a beautiful voice and very intelligent things to offer the world through your words.

Call and come on for a free Somatic Therapy consultation. Together we can find your voice.