“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

To manage our anger, we must know to recognize what it feels like in our body.

I spent the last five days with my son's hockey team at a tournament in Denver. It was amazing to me to see the anger in the parents from some of the hockey teams.

Later that night talking around the swimming pool turned to politics, and again passion came up. The rage and fear people are sensing from today's political climate or their child's sporting event is a part of the bigger picture for each of us as a person.

Any unreleased trauma combines with anger we may feel while listening to the news or watching our kids play soccer is not just about what we are reacting to at this moment in time. Our emotional brain is prewired for responses based on previous experiences.

It is more comfortable and more accessible to blame what our nervous system is experiencing when we read news articles or watch our kids play a sport on one thing or one person rather than sitting in stillness and grasping our bigger picture.

Without awareness of what our past experiences are bringing into our present, there is no real clarity. Read: this article to see what I mean.

There is no perfect way to be when we are upset, but if the choice to be in turmoil is a daily experience something needs to change within you.

The hot emotions that our nervous system feels are toxic to our health. The best thing we can do is to learn to sit with the feelings we have that are uncomfortable and wait to see what changes that brings.

Be kind to yourself and if there is something or someone in your life that brings you stress step back. Turn off the news, skip a game, don't engage with the toxic person for just one day.

If you are so addicted to the high in your nervous system from feeling justifiably angry, then try to not engage for longer. Take baby steps to wean yourself away from the pattern you have set up to feel anger every time you look at FB, read the newspaper or interact with your toxic boss.

Try the following exercise to help switch your feelings of anger.

Step One
Do not engage in the activity that brings you angst for an hour, day or week whatever you can manage.

Step Two
During this sabbatical from your triggers think about the activity or person. Sit or lay in a quiet, safe space. Breathe deeply in and out through your nose making your exhale longer than your inhale.

Step Three
Notice when you are feeling the sensations that are associated with anger as you think about participating in the activity or with the person and then stop. Recognize your body sensations. For example, I might notice a tightness in my chest or throat; I hold my breath or a feel twisting in my stomach. Acknowledge the emotion connected to the sensation and label it. Sadness, anger, grief or whatever it is. Keep breathing.

Step Four
Choose the opposite emotion from the one you are feeling. Tell your body you will go to the opposite feeling.

If you still are having trouble shifting your state of mind do this exercise slower and acknowledge even little shifts towards the more pleasant way of being as a success.

Following these steps are one way to rewire the neural pathways you have set up in your brain.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.