I have a client who has a very toxic relationship with his ex-wife. He came in one day perplexed because his ex had personally invited him to an event at her house.

Their relationship is complicated and full of old wounds, mistrust, and unspoken anger. They share adult children, so some interaction is inevitable.

The talk was about why she had handwritten his invitation, what is the motivation.

If he said yes, what would that mean? If he refused, what would her reaction be? The stream of consciousness was going down a sinking rabbit hole fast, and I asked him to put on the brakes.

The question is, Do you want to go?

I asked him to take a few deep breaths from his belly. Sit in stillness and watch his inner sensations.

After a few deep breaths and silence, he said no, he did not want to attend.

Sometimes the answer may be yes and sometimes no or always no, it doesn't matter.

Ask yourself what you want, and ten times out of ten, you will know the answer.

The reality is we have a finite amount of time on this earth, and we should be more intentional about who we spend that time on.

Pushing the button to old tapes about broken relationships is a waste of time.

When faced with a dilemma where you feel an obligation to a person, ask yourself what you want first.

Be intentional and set aside several minutes where you could be quiet and thoughtful. Notice if there is tightness in your body, or is it relaxed.

Visualize the event, answering both ways.

Decide which one eases your tension and which one increases it.

Once you have your answer by following the path to more relaxation, then act on it because if you don't, an inevitable disruption to your nervous system will show itself.

It might show up in the language of tension, anxiety, sleeplessness, irritation, or self-loathing.

Pay attention to yourself and recognize that with a little extra awareness of how your body feels, you can solve a lot of your questions.

Call me if you need help stopping the old tapes or going down rabbit holes. A little support in trusting your judgment is maybe all you need.

Free Somatic therapy consultations always available.